


What we gave up to be whole

by Dellinah



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Children, Eventual Romance, F/M, Forgiveness, Gosh I love writing Rasticore, M/M, Magic, Slow Burn, The dork is so cute, Tofficore - Freeform, Trauma, and Toffee, and eventual smut too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-07-08 07:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15926198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dellinah/pseuds/Dellinah
Summary: Regeneration, it seemed, was not without its tolls. When a cursed Toffee seeks Rasticore to get help to recover his physical form once more, neither of them could imagine what fate had in store for them.





	1. Deal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tofficoretrash](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Tofficoretrash).



"Sorry if it's not that good," Star sighed as she put the needle aside to hold up the purple cape she'd just sewn and examine the poorly done stitches she'd left on it, "My mom never taught- I, I never learned how to do it properly."

"It's fine," Rasticore told her without even looking away from his current task – rebuilding his metal arm – as he took the cape from her hand and threw it over his shoulder in one quick move, his spikes probably punching a couple new holes in it.

"Oh," Star bit her lip, "Ok, then. I'm glad. You're welcome." She said, only then realizing he hadn't thanked her. She looked down and mentally slapped herself, slightly embarrassed, as an awkward silence took over them.

Well, awkward for Star. Rasticore barely seemed to acknowledge the girl was there at all.

"Your new arm looks almost ready," She smiled, trying to strike up a conversation.

"That's because it is." He told her, eyes never once looking away from his gear.

"Oh," She exclaimed, smile fading, "That's," she cleaned her throat and looked to the side, "That's good."

"Yeah," Rasticore muttered as he straightened himself up and held up the arm he'd just finished, analyzing it for a few seconds before he attached it to his shoulder stump and   
Star leaned forward in curiosity to observe him.

The arm remained limp for a moment, loosely hanging on Rasticore's side. But soon enough his fingers began moving, then his fist clenched and unclenched a couple times before Rasticore regained full mobility again and he moved it around to test it.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," He smiled, flexing his metal arm.

Star smiled again, but it soon faded away when Marco opened the door and entered the room with a concerned expression.

"Star," He called, "there you a- AH," He stopped midsentence and jumped back with a scream, startled at the lizard figure standing close to his friend. He'd witnessed all of Rasticore's regrowth over the past few days, but he still couldn't get used to his presence there.

Rasticore folded his arms and leaned against the wall as he let out a low chuckle – Marco's scared reactions to him never failed to amuse him. Marco rolled his eyes and straightened himself up to regain his composure, cheeks warming up ever so slightly.

"Star," He called again, ignoring the lizard, "The guys and I need to talk to you."

"Oh, ok," Star said with a sigh, standing up from the table where she sat and not looking forward to see what she would have to do now as the acting queen, the title she bore and came to loathe. Still, she forced a smile and looked up at her septarian guest, "I'll be right back, ok?"

"Princess," As Star turned around to walk away, Rasticore landed a hand on her shoulder and turned her attention back to him, "You don't have to."

Star blinked in confusion as Rasticore put on his cape around his neck and sighed, "I am very thankful you found my arm and helped me grow back to my normal state, but now that I'm better, I must go."

"What?" Star exclaimed.

"Awh, so soon?" Marco quipped, "That's a shame. Well, the door's over there, you know your way, it was a pleasure but next time just send a card, bye," He said quickly with a smile as he attempted to pull Star out of the room by her arm, but she shook herself out of his grip.

"Meteora's still out there," She told Rasticore, "It's really not safe for anyone. You can stay here until everything is fine; you should stay here."

"Star…" Marco mumbled through his clenched teeth, "If he wants to go, we should just let him. I'm sure that he knows how to take care of himself, he'll be fine."

"The weak earthling is right, princess," Rasticore said with a nod towards Marco.

"See?" Marco smiled before turning to Rasticore with wide eyes, "Wait- what did he just call me?"

"Well, I still think you should stay…" Star told him, "But if you really want to go, you’re free to. And if you need help in the future, you'll be welcome here." She did a reverence to the lizard as her mother would have done, although she wasn't nearly as gracious as the previous queen.

Rasticore rolled his eyes and shook his head, but in the end, he bowed back to her. It was the least he could do, he supposed.

"Thank you," He said and turned away from Star, and her face lit up with a smile.

"You're welcome!" She responded, rightfully so this time around.

Star and Marco stood still and watched him walk across the room until he reached the door and left the castle, closing the door and disappearing of their sight.

"Ugh, finally," Marco said with a shiver as they started to walk toward the room where their friends were waiting for them, "Having him here gave me the creeps. I kept expecting him to eat us or something like that."

Star blew raspberries, "He wouldn't harm us, Marco, he has no reason to. He only wanted to get us before because he worked for Heinous- Meteora, remember?"

"Yeah, still, remind me why you helped him anyway? Even if he's not with her anymore, he still attacked us. More than once. He's done nothing to deserve our help, let alone our trust. I'm telling you, I have a bad feeling about that guy."

"Oh, let go, would you? I couldn’t just leave him in the forest with Heinous attacking, he was just an arm! She’s the real enemy of ours. Rasticore is not a threat." She said, starting to walk faster, “Besides, everyone deserves a second chance. He’s not a monster.”

Star stopped in her tracks for a moment and took a hand to her chin, thoughtful, “Well, that he is, but you know what I mean,” She waved her hand as to dismiss the topic, “He’s not evil. Not on his own, at least.”

Marco sighed and shook his head, "You sure?"

“Yeah, and it’s not like there’s anyone besides Heinous who’d want him to work for them, right?”

“Yeah,” Marco allowed himself to smile in relief, “I suppose not.”

.................................................................................................................

Night had fallen over Mewni, the moon shone bright on the forest bellow but it did little to nothing to chase away the darkness. Hidden among the thick and tall trees, miles away from the castle, Rasticore rested alone as he looked up to the starry sky.

It had been a long day of walking for him, and now that he was finally able to be alone with his thoughts, he realized that that was the first time in a very long time that he didn't know what to do next.

Being a soldier meant following orders – you do everything your captain tells you to, no questions asked, all orders followed; and that was the only reality he'd ever come to know. 

Well, Heinous wasn't a captain, but he still followed her blindly as though she was one. That was Rasticore, loyal to the one he served.

But that also meant he relied on others to know his next move. He had never really had to make a choice, he never even had the option to. While to many that might sound like being trapped, Rasticore found comfort in that lifestyle – because it meant he was never lost. Always a track to follow, always a goal in mind.

Until now.

Rasticore took a deep breath and rested his back against the trunk of a tree behind him as he thought of what he could do next.

Maybe he could go back to the castle and tell Star he wanted to help them fight Heinous, but he shivered at the thought once he remembered how powerful she'd gotten. No, he'd just managed to restore himself, he didn't want to be ripped apart again, thank you very much.

But if not that, then what should he do? All he knew was being a soldier, but there was nobody to follow and no war to fight now. Not only bored, he also felt pointless. He had nothing and no one, what should be his goal now?

Rasticore let out a long breath and smoothed his hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his muzzle as he shook his head.

"What do I do now?" He looked up with a hopeless look, maybe hoping the stars would provide him an answer, but they only twinkled in silence.

Until the silence was broken by a voice that seemed to come from the forest.

"Well, I have something for you to do."

Rasticore jumped up and grabbed his chainsaw, holding it in front of him; his frills popping open. The voice sent shivers down his spine, first because it startled him since he thought he was alone, then because he realized it seemed eerily familiar, but it wasn't- it couldn't be…

He shook his head to come back to reality and looked around as he carefully gave a few steps back, trying to find the source of the voice, but all he saw was trees and darkness.

"Who's there?" He asked, hand flying to the cord of the chainsaw in case he needed to turn it on.

"Wow, is that how you welcome an old friend?" The voice echoed, once more making Rasticore shiver.

"Old friend?" He raised an eyebrow and gave a step back and lowering his chainsaw down, his frills closing down. There was someone he knew who had a voice like that, but that was- "Who's there?"

A few moments of silence passed before a few bushes rustled and some steps could be heard, getting closer and closer. Rasticore held his breath when a dark, man-like silhouette appeared behind some trees, approaching him.

It was when it came out of the bushes and stepped onto the moonlight – the silhouette becoming clear and revealing itself to be not a man, but another lizard; with grey scales and silky hair combed back.

"Hey, there, Rast," Toffee smiled, “Did you miss me?”

Rasticore’s heart started beating so fast and hard that he felt like it might try to escape his ribcage. His jaw hung open wide and his body shook as he questioned what he saw right in front of him. It was Toffee, no doubt about it - his hair was slightly longer than the last time he’d seen him and his right arm was heavily wrapped in bandages, but aside from that, he looked the same as ever.

"T- Toffee?" Rasticore finally managed to sputter out after what felt like an eternity of silence. He gave a step forward to approach the other lizard and his foot hit something hard on the ground – his chainsaw, which he hadn’t even realized he’d dropped after the shock he found himself in.

Rasticore shook his head and walked around the chainsaw as he reached out for Toffee, slowly getting closer and closer to him.

Toffee let out a small laugh and opened his arms, "Long time no see, hum? What about a hug, big guy?"

After much hesitation and internal questioning of his own sanity, Rasticore finally reached Toffee and touched his face – he could feel him. He was real. It was no illusion, no dream, no magic trick. Toffee was dead, but he was standing there in front of him.

Somehow, reality had betrayed itself.

Toffee leaned into the touch – that, despite being metallic, felt warm against his cheek – and smiled up at Rasticore who looked at him in awe.  
"It is you," Rasticore breathed out, taking his hand off Toffee’s face and giving a step back, "You're… You're alive?"

Toffee nodded, "As alive as I've ever been. In fact, I was looking for you-" He started to tell Rasticore, but was interrupted when the green septarian punched him in the face, so hard that he flew back and fell on the ground with a loud thud and a groan of pain; a small cloud of dirt rising up from the ground when he fell.

“What the…?” Toffee propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at Rasticore, confusion on his face.

He stood with his hands clenched into fists, growling lowly as his breath became faster and erratic and he looked down at Toffee with anger-filled eyes.

“Rast…?”

“I waited so long to do that… I thought I’d never have a chance,” Rasticore answered with a sly smile, quickly taking his cape off and throwing it aside in case Toffee lunged at him and he needed to be agile, “Good thing I was wrong, hum?”

Unlike what he expected, however, the former general merely stood up from the ground – with more effort than what it should have taken him, Rasticore noticed – as he held onto his muzzle and rubbed it as he groaned in pain.

“Rude,” Toffee shook his head in disapproval, then he suddenly had what looked like sadness, albeit somewhat forced, in his eyes, “What did I ever do to you?”

Rasticore’s jaw opened wide once more as he shook his head in disbelief. Looking around, completely appalled, he clenched his teeth and growled lowly, “What have you- Are you kidding me?”

Toffee looked up in thought and then sighed, “Well, I know I’ve done a few things that were less than kind to you-”

“Try life-ruining,” Rasticore interrupted him, “You lied to me, you abandoned me, you took everything away from me!” He said, voice growing louder and angrier with each word said.

“Rasticore,” Toffee gave a step back, fearing how the soldier might act when blinded by his anger, “You know I just did what had to be done. I never meant to harm you, it was just an unfortunate consequence of my acts.”

“Unfortunate consequence?” Rasticore shook his head, “Is that how you call this?” He said as he removed his metal arm and held it out, its metallic surface glimmering under the moonlight. He didn’t realize it, but his eyes started shining with unshed tears as his sentence brought back the painful memories he so hard tried to avoid for so many years.

Toffee hissed and looked aside.

“Bitter.” Toffee said in a low whisper before looking up at Rasticore with a shrug, “I thought maybe you’d be over it by now?”

Rasticore sighed and lowered his head with a sigh. He knew Toffee had no shame, but apparently, he also lacked any self-awareness whatsoever.

“Oh, definitely,” He said as he put his arm back in place and quickly wiped his eyes, hoping Toffee hadn’t seen his tears, “Much like you got over your finger, didn’t you?” Rasticore let out a breathless laugh, “But congratulations, you got it back! I couldn’t even do that.”

Toffee looked down at his hand, and for the first time since he was punched, he let go of his muzzle.

“Yes, I grew it back. But in doing so, I lost something even more important.”

“What?” Rasticore frowned, tilting his head in confusion when something started running down Toffee’s muzzle. At first, he thought it was blood, but even if Toffee had bled from his punch, that would have been healed by now.

Right?

Only then did Rasticore notice it was not blood, but something dark, almost black; a thick goo that ran down Toffee’s nostrils in a small waterfall. And as that went on, Toffee reached for his bandaged arm and started unwrapping the copious amount of bandage that covered it. Once it was removed, it revealed a cut on his arm, not big in size, but it still leaked rather large amounts of that same goo.

Rasticore had dismembered animals alive before and seen the horrors of war practically unfazed, but that sight almost made him gag.

“What is that?” Rasticore asked, gulping to force his lunch to go back down.

Toffee sighed and bit his lip, for a moment tasting the goo that had run down to his mouth, “I’m afraid that Star’s spell left me more than wounded,” He said as he started to wrap the bandages again, “It took me so long to regenerate, so long to recover my physical form… And when I did, it was different. I am different,” He sighed.

“I see that,” Rasticore nodded although he did not fully understand, “But hum, how different, exactly?”

“Well, for one, I can’t heal myself like I used to,” He pointed to his still dripping muzzle, “Any cut, wound, bruise… Any harm done to me will remain like that until my body heals it on its own accord.”

“At least you heal eventually,” Rasticore said, once again raising his metal hand and tilting his head so that the gem on his missing eye was in better view.

Toffee apparently chose to ignore that remark as he just kept on talking, “But more disturbingly… I don’t bleed anymore. I don’t even think I have blood anymore. I have become this… This goo, this mess, this thing.” He shivered as he said it, wiping the dark mush on his muzzle and looking at it on his hand, “That spell left me more than wounded, Rasticore. I’m cursed.”

When Toffee looked at Rasticore, the latter thought he saw tears forming in the corner of Toffee’s eyes. He felt a hint of guilt for punching him in that moment. Don’t get him wrong, Toffee definitely deserved it; but punching someone so weakened as he was felt like cowardice.

“I, uh, I’m sorry that happened to you,” Rasticore said, himself not knowing to what extent that statement was true, “But it’s a miracle you’re even alive. I didn’t even believe it when I saw you. So maybe just be glad for that? You know, since there’s nothing that can be done. Yeah.” He had no idea what to say, so he just blabbered on what came to his mind. A part of him wanted to comfort Toffee. Because as much as he wanted to deny it, he could never truly despise the only one he ever lo-

Rasticore’s train of thought was interrupted when Toffee smiled eerily at him as opposed to the sad reaction he expected him to have.

“But you see, Rast, that’s the thing – there is a way,” He straightened himself up like the fake lawyer he was, going into a better posture as he tried to convince someone, “And that is why I was looking for you. I need you, Rasticore.”

Funny how in the past, those words were everything that Rasticore wanted to hear. But now, they just made Rasticore’s eyes widen as he gave several steps back, shaking his head, “Oh, no, no, no, no!” He said as he crossed his arms, “I am not going to do anything for you, count me out!”

“Not for me, but with me!” Toffee pleaded, hands clenched tight, with an expression that might have been pitiful but was made creepy by the goo running down his nostrils.  
“Uh, sure…” Rasticore nodded, skeptical, “And what exactly do you need me to do with you, Toffee?”

Toffee smiled creepily, “Well, it should come as no surprise that I seek revenge once more… They need to pay, they took something from me, again,” He ran his fingers over the bandaged arm, “But to put myself in harm’s way when I’m so weakened would be certain death. I’m in no shape to fight her… or anyone,” He sighed.

“So, you want me to kill Star for you?” Rasticore raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “I’m sorry but-”

“Pft, please,” Toffee raised a hand and interrupted him, “Revenge is not satisfying if it’s not done by one’s own hands. Which is why I need to get my old shape back; I need my blood, my regeneration, everything back. Everything that she took away from me.” He finished his sentence in a low growl, looking down.

Rasticore nodded, “Understandable. But you still haven’t told me what you’d need me for.”

“Getting there, big guy,” Toffee started walking towards Rasticore, “As you can imagine, the magic that, heh, ‘killed’ me was very, very powerful. To revert it, you’d need equally powerful magic. Magic so powerful that it was banned and locked away… and hidden.”

“I see…” Rasticore said, walking backwards to get away from Toffee, “Hidden where?”

Toffee held his breath and stopped walking, “Somewhere in the castle. And that’s why I need you. It’s going to take some time to find it, and I’m their best-known enemy, I can’t risk going in there and getting caught, especially not now that everyone is alert. I need a bodyguard.”

“Oh,” Rasticore nodded and faked a smile, “So, you want me to take care of you while you go into the castle and search for a spell that could be hidden literally anywhere, and if we’re caught we might be vaporized by the princess who, by the way, helped me earlier today. Yeah, how about no,” His mouth turned into a thin line.

Toffee tilted his head, “Come on, Rast, please? I really need your help.” He said, hoping that would work again like it worked so many years before.

“Oh yeah, like in the past when every single time I worked with you I lost something that I can never get back?” He raised his arm once again and sighed, “Yeah, no, sorry Toffee. There might have been a time I’d listen to you no matter what, but… Those days are over.”

Rasticore’s cheeks suddenly went red when he thought of the days he mentioned, but he shook his head to get rid of those thoughts.

“I won’t stand in your way if you desire to seek revenge on the royal family,” His voice became a low whisper, “even though Star is not that bad when you get to know her,” And he raised it again, “but I won’t help you either. Goodbye, Toffee.”

Toffee put his hands on his back and watched in silence as he watched Rasticore pick up his cape and his chainsaw from the ground and turn his back on him.

“You didn’t let me finish,” Toffee said when Rasticore turned away, and Rasticore turned his head to look back at him, “Of course I don’t expect you to do it for free. I’d be willing to pay you a high price for your services.”

“I’m sorry,” He said and lowered his head, “There’s nothing worth being with you again.”

And with that, Rasticore began walking away.

“Not even re-growing your arm?”

Rasticore stopped in his tracks and dropped his chainsaw, quickly turning around to face Toffee again. Toffee smirked, knowing he’d gotten to Rasticore exactly how he’d planned to.

“What did you say?”

“Like I told you,” Toffee continued, “The magic I need to heal myself is extremely powerful. And if it can revert the effects of Star’s magic on me, it would be able to revert it on you as well.” He smiled wider, “You’d have your arm and your eye again!”

Rasticore’s heart started beating faster as he bit his lip and laid a hand on his gem, “But it wasn’t Star’s magic that took it away from me, Toffee… You know that.”

“Oh, I do, I do know that, Rast,” Toffee pouted and walked towards Rasticore. Rasticore walked backwards so that the distance between them remained the same, but he backed himself into a tree, “Which is why I know it could heal you. Star’s magic is much more powerful than mine was when we had our little accident…”

“When you attacked me and harmed me beyond repair and didn’t even care,” Rasticore corrected him, once again trying to back away from Toffee, but the tree kept him in place.

“But if that magic can undo Star’s spell, which was much more powerful than mine, then it’s no doubt it’ll be able to revert mine too,” Toffee grabbed Rasticore’s metal hand and raised it with his own, his touch making Rasticore shiver, “And you’d be whole again. We both would,” Toffee said as he smiled up at Rasticore, holding his hand with both of his and softly squeezing it.

Rasticore’s eyes went left and right as he thought of what Toffee had said. Every single cell of his body told him not to trust Toffee – not again, not when every single other time had ended up so badly. But his heart was beating fast in his chest, the possibility of getting his arm and his eye back, everything he’d wanted for so long…

“You’re… You’re sure you can revert it?” He asked with a sad frown, moving his metal fingers.

“My dear,” Toffee laid a hand on his chest, “You have my word.”

Rasticore took a deep breath and held up a finger, “I will help you get the spell. You will heal me. And after that, we go separate ways – I won’t help you with your revenge or anything else. I don’t want to be involved in anything else after that. And I’m only doing this for my arm and my eye, not for you. Because honestly, I couldn’t care less.”

Toffee smiled and nodded, “Understood. That’s all I want. So, deal?” He said as he held out his hand.

'I will regret this,' Rasticore thought to himself as he took Toffee’s hand and shook it.

“Deal.”


	2. Microscope, long enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rasticore and Toffee do find their way to the archives, but that doesn't mean the hard part is done with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I SAID I WAS GONNA END THIS CHAPTER WITH SMUT. I'M SORRY I'M A FLYING STORM OF LIES. I just didn't like the direction that was going so I changed up the chapter. On the bright side I already wrote the smut which I WILL PUBLISH soon enough in a chapter to come... I'm sorry bc I know yall pervs just wanted that lizard dick. But I hope this remains pleasurable to read regardless :P Title is a reference to the song I listened to while writing this and also bonus points to who spots the Kenn's art reference in this :3 (I still love that so so much. Go check kenn-fao on tumblr for his amazing art. He also draws Tofficore he's cool. Oh and draw-hideous for inspiring the yet to come smut scene with his art. Seriously they're so good do it)

Despite how serious the situation he found himself in was, Rasticore could not hold back a chuckle as he watched Toffee's miserable attempts at picking up his chainsaw.

When Toffee accidentally dropped it the third time and jumped back like a scared cat, Rasticore let out a loud laughter that clearly annoyed the smaller lizard, who let out a low growl in frustration as he looked up at Rasticore.

"Stop it," Toffee demanded, looking down with his cheeks warming up ever so slightly as he knelt down to try to pick the chainsaw again.

Rasticore shrugged, "It's just really funny to watch Toffee, the almighty general, struggle so much with something so simple."

"Funny to you, maybe," Toffee sighed, standing up and leaving the gadget on the ground, "I wasn't sure to what extent the curse affected me, but it seems it took away even my physical strength. I can't even lift that thing anymore." He kicked the chainsaw in frustration, but it barely moved an inch.

Rasticore immediately felt bad for laughing once he saw Toffee's hurt-stricken face, although he wasn't sure if that was from losing his strength, or from hurting his foot when he kicked the heavy metal gear.

"Maybe… Maybe it will come back?" Rasticore attempted to comfort Toffee - though why, he couldn't tell. There was just something about seeing Toffee hurt that felt wrong to him, "I mean, regenerating from pure goo has to leave you drained… So maybe your strength just hasn't been regenerated yet. It could be it, right?"

Toffee looked up at Rasticore in silence for a few seconds before he smiled, which made Rasticore feel like he did appreciate the cheering effort he had just done… Which was unexpected, but appreciated.

"That could be it, yes," Toffee took his hands to his hips and sighed, his smile fading, "But even then, we need this now, so that isn't very helpful. You're going to have to do it," Toffee motioned for Rasticore to come closer and grab the chainsaw which was still on the ground by Toffee's feet.

"Uh, I can't," Rasticore shook his head and held up his hands, "I've never been in the archives where you want to go and I don't know anything about that place and dimensional gadgets are useless if you don't know where you want to go, you know that. If I try to open a portal there, who knows where we'll end up. It could be dangerous, especially for you."

Toffee nodded, "And I cannot risk trying to get in there through the castle and running into Star or her friends… Not when I am like this." He put a hand under his chin and Rasticore could almost see the gears going on inside his head as he put together a plan.

Rasticore walked over to Toffee and picked up his chainsaw from the ground as Toffee kept thinking.

"Ok," Toffee rubbed his hands together, "I think it might work if you hold it with your hands over mine."

Rasticore raised an eyebrow, "You really think so? Because I'd still be the one holding it and the one in control. It might still consider my mind instead of yours and send us to some crazy place."

Toffee shrugged, "It's our best shot. If that doesn't work, then we'll have to find dimensional scissors or something else that I can lift. Or try to get in there through the castle, but I really don't want to get to that. So, let's try anything else we can first, shall we?"

Rasticore rolled his eyes and bit his lower lip – memories of the first times he used the chainsaw and ended up in some unexpected, dangerous locations ran through his head. Sure, he managed to get out of them alive every time, but it still was far from a nice experience whenever that happened. And it was sure to be even less pleasant if it happened while he had to watch over an impaired lizard.

"Come on, turn it on," Toffee told him, bringing him back to reality, "I want to get this done and over with as fast as possible."

"At least we agree there," Rasticore mumbled, pulling the string on his chainsaw and turning it on, "How do you suggest we try-"

Before Rasticore could finish his sentence, Toffee snaked himself under Rasticore's arm, pressing his back against Rasticore's chest. Rasticore was taken aback, almost dropping his chainsaw on the ground as his heart started beating fast.

"I just hope this works," Toffee sighed, apparently oblivious to how he affected Rasticore with his touch, "Come on."

Toffee reached out and touched the chainsaw, his fingers nudging Rasticore's hands until he lifted them and allowed Toffee’s hands to get under them. Rasticore didn't remember Toffee ever feeling so small as he did in that moment, with his hair right under his chin and body pressed against his chest, his touch feeling less than foreign but still so strange-

"Rasticore," Toffee called and Rasticore snapped out of his thoughts, shaking his head back into reality. He looked down slightly confused as Toffee nodded towards the chainsaw, looking annoyed, "Come on!"

"Oh," Rasticore cleaned his throat, "Ok."

"Try to empty your mind and let me do the thinking now, ok?" Toffee squinted, "Although that must be incredibly easy for you."

Rasticore chose to ignore the witty comment for the time being and focus on Toffee’s order - something that once brought him so much joy. So, he just nodded and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to empty his mind like he was told as he maneuvered the chainsaw to open a portal; Toffee's arms moving with his. And as he opened it, all he faintly thought about was how hard it was to suppress all the memories that the smell of Toffee's hair brought back to him.

* * *

 

"Alright," Toffee said as he snaked himself out of Rasticore's embrace and stared into the circular shiny portal they had open, blue spirals circling inside it and irradiating energy.

They looked at it and then at each other before looking into it again, the tension in the air was easily noticeable.

"Do you think it worked?" Rasticore asked, turning the chainsaw off.

"Well," Toffee straightened himself up, "There's only one way to know," He reached his hand out towards Rasticore and stared at him.

Rasticore looked from side to side and raised an eyebrow, refusing to believe what Toffee's gesture implied, "What?"

Toffee rolled his eyes, "Take my hand!"

Rasticore blinked, "Why?" He questioned, but then smiled, "Oh, you scared I'm going to ditch you?"

Toffee rolled his eyes again before urging him, "Listen, I can't afford to end up in some weird place by myself when I'm like this, and I don't know if I can trust you not to chicken out. Now come on." He growled slightly, his calm voice contrasting with his angry expression.

Rasticore scoffed, "You don't know if you can trust me? Now that's irony if I've ever heard of it." He shook his head, "You don’t have to worry, you're the one who abandons people here last time I checked," He taunted before he finally took Toffee's hand.

Toffee looked away from him and gave a step towards the portal when he felt Rasticore pull him back.

"I should go first," He said as he pulled Toffee back by the hand, "Just in case."

Toffee blinked and smiled slightly, "Okay. Now come on," He nodded towards the portal, "We have to go."

Rasticore nodded as he took a deep breath and stepped into the portal, closing his eyes when he felt himself be engulfed by the magical waves. And maybe it was just the magical energy, or maybe he was just nervous, but he could swear he felt Toffee squeezing his hand as he stepped behind him into the portal.

* * *

 

The first thing Rasticore felt when he stepped out of the portal was the lack of support – like when you're climbing up stairs and miss a step and feel like you're falling for a few seconds. Except he did fall, out of the portal and onto the hard ground, laying on his back.

Rasticore grunted and rubbed his head as he sat up on the floor, looking up to see the portal open about 20 feet above him. He looked around and didn't recognize where he was, but before he had time to investigate, Toffee stepped out of the portal as well and fell on him, knocking all the air out of him.

"Ouch," Rasticore groaned.

"Ouch", Toffee groaned as well as he leaned himself on Rasticore's chest to sit up and check on his arms and head for injuries from the fall, "I'll give it to you, you were right about you going first. If you had fallen on me instead I just might be dead by now."

“Well, aren’t we lucky,” Rasticore shook his head as he looked up at Toffee who still was still sitting on his stomach, and then he looked up at the portal above.

Toffee didn’t know what was happening when Rasticore grabbed him by the waist and threw him aside – when he realized it, he was already on the floor with a sharp pain on his arm and elbow.

“Hey!” He growled as he looked at Rasticore, instinctively expecting a fight, but he saw Rasticore jumping up to grab the chainsaw that fell from the portal, right on the spot where Toffee previously was. He gulped and looked up, watching it as the portal finally closed itself.

“Sorry,” Rasticore said as he walked up to Toffee and stretched out his hand, “I panicked, but I had to protect you.” His cheeks suddenly warmed up and he looked down to conceal them, “Because that’s my part of the deal. Yeah.”

“I- Thanks,” Toffee cleaned his throat as he took Rasticore’s hand and smiled, “But next time tell me to jump out instead. That hurt,” He hissed when he touched and rubbed his forearm where he landed, where a bruise was sure to appear soon in his state.

“Oh, crap,” Rasticore reached out to touch Toffee’s arm but his hand just awkwardly fluttered around him instead. It was like he was scared that Toffee would break with the slightest touch, “Crap, I didn’t think- Are you alright?”

“I'm fine,” Toffee nodded as he stretched out his arm and pushed Rasticore's hand away, “I guess we just aren’t that used to feeling pain when we can heal quickly.”

Rasticore rolled his eyes, “ _You_ are not used to feeling pain…”

“Hum?”

“Nothing!” Rasticore held out his hands as he looked around, “So, hum, where are we?”

Only then Toffee looked around and took in his surroundings. Rasticore was relieved when he saw that he was smiling.

“It appears that our maneuver did work, although we had a small height issue,” Toffee told him, “We are in the magical archives.”

Rasticore sighed and then looked around to see where they found themselves in. They were in a dark dungeon-like place, with narrow hallways and footbridges that led to spiral staircases and several doors on the walls, all being barely lit by small torches hanging on the walls.

“I think I expected something more… Library-like,” He bit his lip.

“Well, this place is the home of the secrets of the royal family and everything that has ever been locked away is hidden here as well… Such as the dark magic I need to heal myself. Oh, and you,” Toffee smiled at Rasticore, “Of course, they wouldn’t just leave those things out in the open to be easily found.” He started walking and Rasticore began following him, “We might have to do a little bit of searching before we find what I need. That’s why I needed you to come with me, staying in the castle by myself for that long could be dangerous. I don’t want to be alone if I ever run into Star.”

Rasticore stopped in his tracks. “How long is this going to take, exactly?”

Toffee stopped as well and sighed, not turning around to face Rasticore, “It could take a while.”

“A while?” Rasticore folded his arms, “You didn’t tell me that before.”

“Why does it matter?” Toffee finally turned around with pleading eyes, “We’re immortal beings, what’s the rush? Besides, it’s not like I’m just blindly going around. I know the way… some parts of it.”

"Are you sure you do?" Rasticore raised an eyebrow carefully.

"Yes." Toffee nodded sharply.

Rasticore rolled his eyes and let out a sigh as they started walking again. Toffee smiled in relief and looked around, trying to jog his memory. Boy, had it been long since he’d last been in the archives…

“Just please try to make it as fast as you can, ok?” Rasticore grunted and looked aside, “I don’t want this to last any longer than it has to.”

“Come on, is it that bad to spend some time with your old friend?” Toffee smirked and nudged him on the side, but it quickly faded when Rasticore looked at him with a mad frown. Toffee shivered and cleaned his throat, back to his serious tone,“Don’t worry, I too don’t want this to last very long… I want my old self back as soon as possible too. The quicker I get my revenge, the quicker I’ll have peace again.” He smiled and took a deep breath.

“Hum,” Rasticore pondered, “So, aside for your deals with Star, there’s absolutely nothing else bothering your consciousness?”

Toffee looked up at him out of the corner of his eyes, “Not when I’m done, no. I have nothing else to solve and I’ll have no other debts,” He nodded, “because I’ll have helped you heal by then.”

“Only on a physical level,” Rasticore muttered, only realizing he’d said it after the words had already left his mouth.

Toffee took a deep breath, “Because that’s the only damage I’m responsible for,” He squinted, “It’s not my fault you’re not capable to heal the rest yourself.”

Rasticore gasped lightly as his heart skipped a beat. A sharp pain irradiated from his chest while he swallowed hard to send down the lump forming on his throat, but it remained there regardless.

“Rasticore?” Toffee called and only then Rasticore noticed he’d stopped walking, “Come on. Trying to get this over with as soon as possible, remember?”

“Right,” Rasticore took a deep breath and wiped his eyes as he followed Toffee again, only this time staying slightly behind him instead of walking by his side, “I’m sorry.”

No more words were said and they walked in silence for a while, until Toffee stopped walking and started trying to open some doors, although all of them seemed to be locked.

“Did you remember the way?” Rasticore asked as he approached Toffee.

“No,” Toffee replied, trying out another door, “But it’s late, and I need to rest. I just want to see if there’s a room unlocked or something so we can sleep in it. I don’t feel safe sleeping here, I don’t know if Star or someone else might come down here.”

Just as he said that, one of the doors finally gave in and opened. He peeped his head through the crack he’d opened, looking around in the room to check for any danger before opening the door fully.

“This will have to do,” Toffee said as he walked in and motioned for Rasticore to follow him, which he did, but he had to duck to avoid hitting his head on the top of the small doorway.

Rasticore looked around and saw that they were in a small room of supplies, but it seemed that nobody had been there in ages – it was full of shelves with unused scrolls, quills, containers of ink were covered in dust; as well as cleaning supplies that gathered spider webs on the corner across them. He walked in and closed the door behind him, locking it from the inside.

Rasticore yawned and stretched, only then realizing how tired he was. Toffee laid down on one of the corners of the room, laying on his side with his unbandaged arm under his head.

“Goodnight,” Toffee said as he closed his eyes, and he seemed to fall asleep immediately.

“Night,” Rasticore replied as he unbuckled his belt and kicked his boots off, sighing in relief as he felt the tight fabric loosen up around him. He then took off his cape and shook it to clean it of dust and dirt – and as he held it, he could feel some of the poorly done (yet made with a lot of care) repairs Star had done on it.

He mindlessly ran his fingers over the stitches as memories of the previous days that he spent with the bubbly girl played on his head. And after all she’d done for him, he still decided to help her worst enemy. And soon Toffee would… She would…

Rasticore shook his head and ran his hand over his neck as he sighed. Thinking things through, it seemed, always brought him pain. It was better to just follow orders mindlessly. Somehow, he felt like the blame couldn’t be entirely put on him that way. The action might be his, but the will was not. That made him not as responsible for the pain he might bring forth as the one who gave the order in the first place.

Rasticore didn’t know if that was how he truly felt or if it was even true, but in the end, it helped him sleep at night. And that was what he thought about as he closed his eyes and laid on the floor, across from Toffee, with his cape folded under his head as a pillow.

The dimly lit room then fell in silence, the only sound being the lizards’ breaths and the small crackling of the fire in the torches of the hallways outside – until Toffee shivered.

Rasticore’s eyes fluttered open as he turned his head to look at Toffee, barely making out his slim silhouette laying down in the dark room. But even then Rasticore could see that Toffee was now laying in a fetal position, his back on Rasticore as he hugged his knees with his tail wrapped around him.

“Toffee?”

There was no response.

“Toffee, I know you’re awake,” He called again with a roll of his eyes.

The only response he got was another shiver, which let him know that Toffee was indeed awake, but he didn’t want to talk. Rasticore sighed and got up, walking up to Toffee without saying another word.

Toffee heard the sounds of Rasticore’s steps and opened one eye to see what was going on, worried that Rasticore might try to leave. But instead, he saw Rasticore looming over him, and then he felt Rasticore’s cape fall over him carefully with a fluttering sound.

Toffee opened both his eyes and looked up to see Rasticore walking away from him, laying down on the spot he was before with his back on Toffee. Toffee blinked a few times, grabbing a fistful of the cape that laid over him, appreciating the warmth it brought him. He closed his eyes and took a resigned breath.

“Rasticore?” He called.

“I thought you were asleep,” Rasticore sneered.

Toffee rolled his eyes, ignoring the witty comment, “You gave me your cape.”

Rasticore raised an eyebrow and rolled over to face Toffee, confused by his obvious statement. He didn’t know what to add to that, the silence growing too awkward to comfort. “Hum, yeah?”

“Won’t you need it?” Toffee asked, and if the room weren’t so dark, Rasticore might have caught the glimpse of guilt on Toffee’s face as he asked that.

“I don’t want you to be cold,” Rasticore sputtered, eyes darting down, “I mean, my job is to keep you safe and help you. You were cold. I’m helping you be warm.”

“But won’t you be cold without it?”

Rasticore frowned in confusion as he looked to Toffee again, trying to make out what expression he had in the dark room, but he could barely see the other lizard’s face.

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t!” Toffee responded, rather defensively, “It’s just…” He looked down and cleaned his throat, “If you get sick you won’t be very useful to me. Besides, I don’t want to owe you anything more than I already do. So please, take it back.”

“I’ll be fine,” Rasticore rolled over, “And you don’t owe me anything for this. I told you, I’m just doing my job.”

When Toffee didn’t say anything else, Rasticore assumed he’d been convinced. He sighed and closed his eyes, ready to try to sleep again, when he felt his cape fall over him.

“Ugh,” He sighed, “Toffee, I said-”

Rasticore rolled over again, expecting to see Toffee walking away from him after returning his cape, but instead, he found him laying right by his side with the other half of the cape over himself. Immediately he went silent, words caught in his throat.

“T-Toffee…?”

“This is an intelligent solution,” He replied dryly, “You want me to have it, I don’t want to take it, so we both use it. Happy now?” He frowned and pulled the cape towards him, “And don’t hog.”

Rasticore felt a brush creep onto his cheeks and scratched the back of his neck, trying to swallow down the lump he felt in his throat as he laid down again. He cursed the fact that his cape was so short, forcing the two of them to be so close if they wanted to share it – which, admittedly, made him feel a bit uncomfortable.

If only he could get over things as quickly as Toffee seemed to do.

Rasticore shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to empty his mind and sleep again. At least the warmth from having Toffee’s back pressed against his was welcome in the cold night.

“Thank you,” Toffee whispered, and Rasticore’s eyes shot open, “For the cape. But why does it smell like motor oil?” He muttered.

Rasticore laughed under his breath, “Are you really thankful, or do you just feel like that would be the right thing to do and you ‘ _don’t want to owe me anything_ ’?” He mimicked Toffee’s voice and accent.

Toffee raised an eyebrow, “Does it matter why?”

“To be honest? Yes,” Rasticore said as he turned over with a sly smile, facing the back of Toffee’s neck.

“And why does it matter?”

“I just want to see if you had any decency restored in you when you regenerated,” Rasticore shrugged, “Because so far, it seems that you have none left whatsoever.”

That got Toffee to roll over as well, a frown on his face as he stared into Rasticore’s eyes, their muzzles now mere inches apart. His frown slowly faded when he saw the smile on Rasticore’s face and he began smiling as well.

“Why? Would it hurt your poor feelings if I didn’t actually mean it?” He tilted his head.

“Pft, no,” Rasticore scoffed, with his smile turning into a small frown, “I’m not as weak as you think I am, you know.”

“I don’t think you’re weak,” Toffee muttered.

Rasticore’s eyes widened in legit surprise, “Well, I’m sorry, but that was the impression I got from… basically everything you’ve said since we met again.”

“I never said you’re weak,” Toffee told him, “I just don’t think you’re as strong as you need to be sometimes.”

Rasticore pondered, “And doesn’t that make me weak?”

“No, not necessarily. We all have weaknesses, having some doesn’t make you weak per se,” Toffee shrugged, “I’d never hire or trust anyone who I deemed weak. You’re strong when you can be, and when you want to be.” He sighed, “Just not always when you have to be. That’s always been your weakness. You let things get in your way, you let them break you down.”

Rasticore looked aside, “I can’t help being affected by some things. Nobody can when certain things happen.”

“I can. And that’s the main difference between you and I,” Toffee nodded, “I know how to focus, regardless of what happens.”

Rasticore shook his head, “In other words, you stay so focused on details that you can’t see the big things.”

Toffee raised an eyebrow, “What big things I ignore?”

“Us,” Rasticore said, and only then he noticed what he’d said.

Toffee’s eyes widened suddenly and Rasticore looked away, thankful that the redness in his cheeks was hidden by the darkness.

“I…” He started saying, but went quiet when he didn’t know what else to say.

“So, you still consider 'us' something ‘big’…” Toffee sighed as he rolled over, “You’re not weak, Rasticore. But you sure can be gullible at times.”

Rasticore’s heart sunk in his chest as he fought the tears that pricked the corner of his eyes, feeling like someone had knocked all the air out of him. He reached out to touch Toffee, wanting to grab him by the arm and shake him awake, but his hand hovered above Toffee's arm for a few seconds without ever touching him before he retracted it and sighed.

"Goodnight, Toffee.” Rasticore muttered as he laid down and closed his eyes, back pressed against Toffee's.

Toffee didn’t say anything back.

**Author's Note:**

> So there you go... This had been nagging at me for so long bc I wanted to write this but I just didn't seem to. Thanks Ark for nagging me till I did it haha. She already knows the whole plot for this thing too :P Oh well. Thanks team Liz0rd for being an amazing fandom and making me get into this pairing. Now I just have the write the rest. Oh boy. Well, hope you enjoyed!


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